Category Archives: women- who make the world, a world:-)

Trying to make both ends meet..

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It has always been ” kallai kanda naya kanum” situation( either find the dog or the stone but not both) status for me with my laptop and my thoughts!  I make the most of it when I get a chance! So now, let me sit down and tie up the two!

And finally! I made time to visit a number of blogspots related to indian women and found it gratifying that i have an entire batallion sailing in the same ship, with same thought process and wavelengths as I do. Not  saying that mine is too high above the sky, but it seems only fair to know that a whole lot of people are like you and that gives the privilege of belonging to “normal”or “average”  category. I have come to some conclusions  based on my miniscule research of ” how to live an Indian wife’s life”. The research is also post some gyan I extracted after a close-to -counselling session with my best friend for almost 27 years now! Thats pretty “best”, ya, i know:-) good for us, touch wood!!!

Summary:

An Indian Wife has to necessarily have the following skillset:

She should know where to say hers was a “love marraige” and where to say “arranged marraige”respite the fact that there is no big deal or difference once” its” all done deal(LOL!!!)

Prepare herself to answer questions from different angels as to why she has not.. “borne a fruit”, “puzhu poochi”..in the first few years explaining the techniques  of family planning to a few merciless (shameless, actually)aunties, who by then would have yeilded enough fruits, and resemble heavy weight champions :-). In return, they give free tips on how and why it is necessary to have kids even before you get to know your hubby dear fully well!

The next episode is “lullaby time” and its attached threads. The Indian wife is supposed to feel like having received” lifetime achievement award” for having been born a woman as she delivers the “fruit”. Now, is the toughest challenge.  She is supposed to be adept in knowing where to say ” I know” and “I dont know” as far as childcare is concerned. If she reads, attends counselling, good enough to get her a degree in child psychology, child care and nutrition, she has to still say ” i dont know” or just receive free gyan from the senior citizens. If she says she knows something more, she is penalised under sec. 123 of  Indian wife statutory requirement Act(!), and accused of being “oversmart”, “attitude problem”, “thimiru” by the in-laws and extended family. At this point in time, she should not even think about pursuing her career or ambitions, as being a mother is her foremost role & responsibility.  Incase, in this period, the “fruit” falls sick, then it is attributed only to her negligence, not enough feeding, not enough care and cocentration.  The champion aunties dutifully visit to check on the “fruit’s” development only to say ” why is he so weak?”

She should know how to deal or coach her children(any syllabus), fill them with tution classes in whichever subject required, extra curricular classes(pick up and drop included by two wheeler, with one child standing in front and the other sitting on her back!). The “wife” package also includes drawing the  “kolam” every morning or the “lakshmi” will not enter the house, followed by rigorous two hours of cooking breakfast, lunch, intercept with tea, coffee, horlicks, milk, complan, kanji for each member of the family age-wise, “gender-wise”(:-)), special room delivery to senior most, to feeding by spoons to the younger most. Any miss, and aunties will appear only to say” oh! no respect bcos she goes and earns a few bucks” More reports will be generated if the child loses his books in school, scores low or fails to take some books to school . New tag is” what kind of a mother is she?” and from then on, the neighbourhood sees her in a new light:-) as the propogation of such things happens like wildfire with immediate impact.

And mind you! The Indian Wife can go for work only for a noble cause “support the husband” or “not to sit “simply” at home” as though there is time to “simply sit”. Moreover, her work should confine to a strict timelimit, where she can come back in time for “homework” and “dinner preparations”. Home work, today means procuring complicated colour pencils, charts, learning aids, from shops which are a distant dream for a common man, putting in creativity and imagination to the level of a project manager in a firm, preparing the child to deliver it in class as though it is all his own “hardwork”. Otherwise, dooms day or auties day, which are anyway equal and parallel. Now, she has to learn to say ” its all the child’s skill” and taken after someone from that family necessarily.  You bet, the child cannot have “taken after” you or your family members for sure.

Now, last but not the least, one special qualification to be an Indian wife: “never ever claim that you thought of something by yourself”.  Always say, some aunty or elderly person advised you to do this or that… This can increase the probability of having it your way than saying its your own decision/idea or methodology. ” Neela aunty said the tution class in 4th avenue is very good. Do you think we should try that for him?” and the like.. And the convenient answer will be food and education is all your department. Bcos, these are the most low probabilities of success and there are no success formula, only luck and 24×7 hardwork!

Oh! Im running late to make dinner. Im afraid some aunty will knock the door and say, ” oh! dinner late? very lazy.  In our house, we eat at 7″ As if that is a benchmark for best lifestyle.

see you all when i make my both ends meet..i mean ..the laptop and my mind!

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“Stereotypes?” Nahi chalega!..

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My little angel does look more than an angel to anyone who meets her forr the first time.  Her eyes and smile are so wide that it will take a while for one to come out of it to know what she is capable of.  She is one of a kind for sure, who has a deal-with-life kind of attitude, totally pragmatic, no sentimental or emotional frills attached.

What I learn from the little Dare devil(DD)is to beware of gender stereotyping. 

” Aashi, if you wear anna’s clothes all the time, and dont wear skirts, people will think you are a boy”. 

 DD responds,” Thats okay with me!” 

“You are old enough to help me clean the house, arrange the dishes and a lot of things at home. ” 

DD gi ves me back” Anna is older than I.

 You can ask him to help first”

Poor Amma, ” If you dont let me wash your hair, you will never have long hair like the girl in the shampoo ad”

DD  handles it..,” Anyway, I am not gonna act in any shampoo ad.  I dont mind my hair short”

Amma, “Im gonna ask appa to buy me a scooty so that I can drop

 you at paatu class”

DD suggests ” I think you should just buy it yourself.  You have your

own ATM card.”

Im sure she is just the material for

 ” stereotypes..nahi chalega!”